How to Have Sex in a Hostel

October 21, 2020 Travel

Departing on a backpacking trip, a gap year, or traveling to a new locale, can create a multitude of feelings and emotions. Excitement, anticipation, and wonder all have their place during a journey. Many travelers will be venturing out for the first time, including bunking in their fundamental hostel experience. I realize there may be readers of this blog who never stayed in a hostel before, so here is a crash course on your typical backpackers hostel. Hostels are cheap or low budget accommodations , which almost always offer dorm rooms where you can book a bed; some hostels have private rooms.

Hostels are extremely popular in Europe and South America; the style or design can vary greatly, but usually the bathroom is shared with multiple showers and stalls. Some hostels offer private rooms which can be advantageous for a plethora of reasons. For many travelers, this is their first opportunity to explore their sexuality. Because they are inexpensive they are a fantastic place to meet people from around the world. Hostels are also chock full of partying, drinking, and hooking up, so it’s no surprise that there is a lot of baking the potato, boffing, boinking, and boning happening. In that spirit, here are my tips for having sex in a hostel!!!

Make Sure the Blankets are Handy.

Blankets can be useful in two ways. One is that you can drape them over the bunk (if you are on the bottom bunk) as a privacy curtain. The second is that you can pull the blankets over you if are spooning or having some foreplay (unless you like people to watch, i.e. Nick Carraway in the DiCaprio version of The Great Gatsby, one of my favorite movies).

Don’t Sexile Your Dormmates.

In case you are wondering, when you sexile someone, you are essentially banishing them from the room for the purposes of the bedroom rodeo. While it’s sometimes acceptable to do that to a college roommate, it’s far more difficult in a hostel dorm as dorms can have between 4-20 people in them. Good luck kicking 19 people out so you can bump uglies. Accordingly, you will have to be discreet when people are sleeping or wait until everyone is out sight-seeing and drinking for the day.

Pick the Right Positions.

Dorm beds in a hostel are almost always bunk beds which presents minor sex Olympic challenges. You will likely have to stick to a small menu of sex positions as some are not feasible for bunking. Here is a quick description of dorm room friendly positions. First, always consider missionary. I know, not the most exciting, but it works for the space you have, and you can use your hand to cover her mouth if you guys are getting too loud. Secondly, similar to missionary but a little spicier, she can lay flat on her stomach and the guy can enter her from behind.
Stick a pillow or two under her for a better angle. Thirdly, spooning works great for dorm sex. If you’re ready to “disappoint the wife” so to speak, spooning takes minimal movement and will not shake the whole bunk, to the benefit of the poor bastard above you. Lastly, if you’re missing doggy and there is no one else in the room have her stand in front of the bed and bend over with her arms on the mattress. You’ll definitely want to avoid cowgirl or reverse cowgirl for that matter as very likely there will not be sufficient space for such an activity. For whatever reason if you’re the girl, being banged into the headboard is a good thing, but having your head bounce off the springs of the bunk above I think would be a bad thing.

Be Open to Other Places.

Sometimes it may seem like the dorm is never empty or that some people may never seem to leave. In that case, be open to using the showers, toilet stalls, common areas if they are empty, the kitchen, the laundry room, etc.

Mixed Dorms.

Most hostels offer mixed or coed dorms as well as same sex dorms for female and male. If you’re hoping to have the pants-off dance-off, you will want to make sure you book a mixed dorm or even better a private room (if you can afford it, I don’t want you messaging me saying I owe you a case of beer because you went over budget). Additionally, look for hostels that have private bathrooms either ensuite or in the hallway, because shower sex is always a good backup plan.

Drunk Sex.

There is a LOT of drinking going on at most hostels. If you’ve ever stayed at a Wild Rover hostel in Peru or maybe certain Selina hostels, you know what I mean. If both of you are so drunk when you shag that you can’t remember it the next day, that’s perfect. Plausible deniability. No matter how great the sex is, if you can’t remember, did it really happen? The negative to this is that alcohol makes you hook up with people you wouldn’t normally fuck.

Try to be Quiet.

This one is self-explanatory. You’re not in your own apartment or room in your parents house. If you’re going to be doing the humpy-squirty, be considerate of other backpackers. Some people sleep early and get up early, others drink until they forget their name at 4am, then sleep until 4pm. A hostel is a community where everyone has to get along.

Be Prepared.

Many hostels have free condoms, take some and keep them handy. You don’t want to be digging around late at night looking for rubbers while people are sleeping and while you’re in the process of quimsticking. You’ll find out quickly, no one likes a traveler who goes through their bag when the lights are out. Otherwise, every town you go to while traveling has a pharmacy where you can get condoms, lube, massage oil, whatever you need to make the most of sexy time.

Also, even though this is supposed to be a funny post, I feel like I have to say keep in mind consent issues while under the influence. If you guys thought this was remotely funny or you want to leave your own hostel sex story, feel free to hit up the comments below. 

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